New Year, New Me...

Another year is almost over, and another year lies ahead, full of promise, potential & the chance to “do things different”. Yep, it’s the time for new year resolutions, those promises we make to ourselves that usually don’t last any longer than the leftover Christmas turkey. But we all make them, vowing that this year will be different. This year I’ll follow through with them. So, here goes my list of “what I want to change”.

First, work on being happy single. I’ve been reading these books & every one of them says that if you’re not happy without a man, you’ll never be happy with a man. My attitude shouldn’t be tied to someone else’s appearance in my life. Therefore, I vow to have no more than one mope session a month, for the first six months of 2005. After that, we’ll reconsider.

Second, be more diligent in my study. God always gets shoved aside for more pressing matters, and he waits patiently until I’m ready. So, at least ten minutes a day will be spent in serious prayer, study & meditation.

Third, work on being more proactive rather than reactive to people & events around me. I’m too quick to jump to conclusions & lose my temper, especially with those I most care about.

That’s a good start. Now, if I can only keep them long enough to actually see a change…

So Where's Christmas?

The Christmas season is winding down, & I feel like I've missed it. Like I just woke up from a coma to find myself on the tailend of it. I've been such a grinch this year, I really didn't get into the holiday spirit. I miss it. It all started at Thanksgiving; having family disputes like we did & with my attitude the way it was, it just started me out on the wrong foot. I was in a bad mood since then. And then Christmas, while not as stressful since only part of the family was home, was almost as bad, maybe worse because of my mood up till then. Now it's almost the end of the year & I feel like I've been cheated of Christmas. Is there any way to get back the holiday? Without the spending, rushing around, or preparations, of course.

Christmas

Forgive me, blog, for I have sinned. It's been more than a month since my last post. Yeah, yeah, just been going thru a crazy schedule. Working 2 jobs, plus CM, it gets nutty, especially this time of year.

Christmas, that special time of year when peace & goodwill toward your fellow man abounds. At least, until you're both going after the same gift. What is it about this time of year that we cram so much into it that we leave out the one responsible for the whole celebration? Just recently I found myself going thru my to-do list: shopping, children's program, caroling, work, cards....then I heard this voice in my head saying, "but what about God? Where does he fit into all this?" I know I'm horrible at bible study, that's why I got into BSF, hoping it'd help me be better disciplined. "But I've got so much to do..." What if God had said that to us? What if Jesus had said, "yeah, I get you dad, but the angels asked me to direct their choir, & Gabriel's wanting to go visit earth again, I really don't have time to save mankind"? I guess it's been impressed upon me that I need to get back to CHRISTmas. Maybe that's why I've been such a grinch this year?

Speaking of Christmas, I'm really not looking forward to it. Only John & his girlfriend will be there, but I just get sick of them treating me like the hired servant. I've tried explaining, but the boys don't get it, or they just don't care. Since I'm single, obviously I have nothing better to do than take care of their kids while they go hunting. Since I'm single, obviously I have nothing better to do than do the majority of the cooking & cleaning up. Heaven forbid they help with anything! This it the time when I really wish I was far enough away that I couldn't come home for the holiday. But then I feel guilty for feeling like this, because it is my family & I do love them. And then there's the whole singleness thing. It's horrible going through this time of year when you don't have anyone to share it with. Even among friends, I'm alone. Yeah, it's great that I can do what I want & not have to consult with someone else first, but I'd give anything to have someone who loves me because of who I am, not because we're supposed to. Just let me get thru this without any ill will & I'll be content.