Roller Coaster

The title of my blog is Ride of Life, which is a great analogy of life. Seems like it's all one big roller coaster, rocketing into the sky, spiraling down in a dizzying circle, thundering through tunnels only to shoot back into the brilliant sun. Right now, I think my life is inside that tunnel, in the blackness with no way of knowing where the light will return.

Mom had her doctor's appointment last week, & they found something that "concerns" them. She has to go back this week for a biopsy. She's terrified, what if it's the cancer again? She can't go through chemo or radiation again; first she doesn't have the strength, & second I don't think she can emotionally. She's said repeatedly that if she knew how it'd turned out, she wouldn't have gone through it in the first place, & she won't go through it again. Frankly, I can't blame her. Watching what she's had to put up with for the last 8 years, I don't know that I'd go through with any of the treatments if I were faced with that decision. She's asked me to go with them, mainly so if they get "bad news", dad won't have to be the only strong one. I think she's resigned herself to the fact that it'll be bad, & with that attitude, I'm afraid it's over. God, please give mom the strength to face whatever it is, & help her to feel your protection & comfort.

Welcome Home

This afternoon I got to participate in a very special welcome home. One of our church members has been over in Iraq for the past 6-7 months, & he came home today. It was amazing to see the turnout. His family, friends, other military officers, & his scout troop; all there to greet him. It's very touching to see so many people willing to drop their plans & go to show their support, no matter their beliefs about the president, the war, or the US presence in Iraq. Just going to show someone that they appreciate what he's doing.

Find God in the Wilderness

Today's theme at church was "Find God in the Wilderness". Appropriate, since we're in the middle of Lent. The main f0cus was Jesus' temptation in the wilderness, & how he showed strength when faced with Satan's tempting. I wonder, how strong would I have been? I know for my "fasting", I usually can't manage to make it for half of the 40 days, even with Sundays as "feast days". But this year, I've decided to fast from the behavior that I feel is most drawing me from God. So far, I've slipped a couple of times, but every time I do I just remind myself that I'm not focusing on that right now & change the subject. I've noticed a difference in my attitude, maybe it'll stick this time.

First Date: The Results

Well, it went pretty good, or at least I thought so. We've talked on the phone enough that there wasn't much first-date, "What do I talk about?" nerves. Pretty much a steady stream of conversation for almost 3 hours, so I guess it went ok. He was a little late because of car trouble, half points for being late, but only half since it was excusable. After we had lunch, we wandered around PetSmart for a while, then hung out in the bookstore for more than an hour. It's amazing how much you can learn about someone just by the types of books they read. All in all, I had a nice time. At the end, he gave me the "I'll call you later" line, which in my experience has been the kiss of death. I'm trying not to read too much into the whole thing, I've been burned badly enough that I'm hesitant for a repeat. But, I guess time will tell. If he's right for me, he WILL call. If not, then I had an enjoyable Sunday afternoon with a nice gentleman.

First Dates

Well, I have a date! I'm excited, because it'll be nice to see who I've been talking to all this time, but at the same time I'm scared. I mean, I haven't had the greatest luck with dating, & what if he takes one look at me & says, "gee, nice talking to you but so long"? Sure, & here come all the old insecurities cropping up. I have to meet him, if only to see if this will ever get past penpals stage. So here we go. If he continues calling me after we meet, maybe this will be the start of something. I guess tomorrow will tell.

Power vs. Wisdom

"If I had the power of God, I would change my circumstances. If I had the wisdom of God, I wouldn't."

How true! Too many times, I wish I could wave a magic wand & change my circumstances. But then, when I look back on it, I realize that it was those circumstances that were such a major part in forming me into the person I am today. If I had changed them, where would I be? I wouldn't be who I am, the person God made me to be. And more than likely, I'd be worse than I am now, without my faith to strengthen me.