A Pirate's Life For Me

I've always thought it'd be cool to be a pirate. Sailing the open seas. Marauding the hapless ships that cross our path. Buckling swashes (what exactly is a swash?) and walking the plank (or rather making others walk the plank). Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum. And now I've discovered my true pirate name. It's

Mad Jenny Kidd

Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from fidius.org.

So ahoy there maties! Swab the decks and hoist the mainsail.

Warning Signs

Dad & I cleaned the basement last weekend, or at least knocked one layer of nasty off it. I found a bunch of my old journals & writings from high school English, so I read through some of them. I never realized how messed up I was then, or if I did, I didn’t realize all the warning signs. Why didn’t anyone else notice? Was I really that lonely & sad? It’s scary to think I was so close to destroying myself. Makes me wonder how many of my kids are in the same position; are they putting out all the warning signs like I did? Am I missing them, just like everyone around me did?

End of an Era

The final chapter in the Star Wars series is finally here. I took my neice to see it, then had to answer all of her questions about who was who, where they fit into the overall story, & most importantly, who Han Solo was. I've obviously failed as an aunt, I'll have to redeem myself somehow. Next time she comes to visit, we'll have to rent the other 5 & watch them all, so she'll understand the great importance these movies have, and the vital role they play in our culture's life. Han...How can anyone not know Han????

My Dearest...

My dearest,

I think about you often, wishing you were here to share these moments in my life. There have been many nights where I have ached to have you near, many tear-filled moments when I begged God to send you to me. There have been times when I feared that you really weren’t out there after all, that our paths had crossed and fate had snatched you from me, that I was destined to remain single forever. It’s not the waiting that’s so difficult…well, it is, but it’s not the most difficult. The hardest part is feeling alone, of not having someone to share the joys and sorrows, laughter and tears, defining moments and everyday happenings. I’m usually happy and content with being single, only every so often these feelings sneak up on me, washing over me with their accompanying fear, self-doubt and thoughts that no one could ever love me. I know that I can’t dwell on these thoughts, that God wants me to focus on the positives and not dwell on the negatives. I know that God has chosen us for each other and we’ll find each other in his perfect timing, and so I try to remain patient and fill my time with friends, family and prayer.

I have started praying for you. I pray that today you will have the strength to make it through whatever trials may come your way. I pray that God will guide you to do what is right. I pray that God will bless your day, your family, your friends, your work. And I pray that he will give you the courage to live alone, just as he is giving me the courage to do so, until we should meet.

And I take comfort in knowing that this time apart has made me more independent. I’ve had to learn to count on myself for most things, and learn to ask for help on those things I can’t do alone. I’ve had to learn to handle whatever life throws at me. But it’s hard to be strong all the time. I don’t have the luxury of falling apart because there isn’t anyone to help put me back together. You can’t know how many times I’ve wanted you here to share my burdens, to lighten the load just once, to be my anchor and well of strength. But it’s during these times that I realize how strong I truly am. Yes, I want to be able to share my burdens with you, but I know that I can bear them alone for now. And when the time comes, I’ll be better able to share your burdens and help lighten your load.

I know I’ve struggled in the past, and I know I’ve made some unwise choices, choices born out of fear of being alone and my insecurities. I’ve been hurt in the past, by others and by myself, and some of those scars haven’t healed completely. I realize now that those choices are part of the reason we couldn’t have met sooner; because I’m not ready to be the wife God has ordained me to be. You see, I wasn’t ready; there were too many things I had to work through, obstacles to overcome, and lessons to learn. I am coming to realize that each day we’re apart is an extra day I have to work on me, to get rid of all the junk in my life that would prevent me from giving my whole heart to you. Because of this, I don’t mind waiting (as much) because I know the longer it takes the more prepared for you I’ll be. Because when I give my heart, I know it will be forever.

All my love,

Your future wife

My Future Mate

Heavenly Father, I thank you for your wisdom. You know all things: my deepest desires, my strongest urges, my failures and successes, my needs (even those I don't know about). Thank you for your knowledge in selecting for me the man you have chosen for me. I trust that he will be the perfect complement to me, the one who strengthens me in my walk with you. I pray that you will watch over and guide him, mold him into the man you would have him to be, just as you are molding me into the woman you would have me to be. Protect us both, gently strengthen us to have patience until the time you have selected for us to know each other. In Jesus name, amen.