Moving Day

As if I don't have enough blogs, I've started a new one here. Nothing against Blogger, but Wordpress seems to have some nifty little features, & I don't feel like figuring out how to make this site prettier. If anyone's still reading this, you can catch my scintillating comments there from now on.

Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Or at least that's how it seems to me. Mom fell again last night, this time broke her hip. Just when it seems she's doing better, something else happens. Add in all the other "family drama" & it makes my wish to remain Switzerland pretty near impossible. I so need a vacation right now; I need to get away for a long-overdue break from reality. No responsibility, no babysitting, no worry about mom. Just me, the waves crashing on the beach, & a sexy cabana boy bringing me fruity drinks with umbrellas.

Good News/Bad News

Last week mom fell & broke her arm. Bad news is, she broke a bone (which may or may not heal very well considering everything else) & worse, she broke the arm that was messed up from the stroke. They gave her 3 units of blood & lots of IV saline. She's malnourished & dehydrated, understandable since she can barely eat anything. Good news is, the orthopedist told them her break is the best kind to have. It's way up on the arm near the shoulder & apparently it doesn't have to be strapped down. I swear, it seems like it's always "good news/bad news" with her. Broken bones are not good with her, but it could've been much worse. It could've been her good arm, it could've been a worse break, she could've fallen when dad was at work. There's always a silver lining, even if it's a little tarnished.

Another piece of good news from this latest crisis: darling brothers are acting more normal, or whatever passes for normal in this family. I'm trying to keep them updated, because dad's got all he can handle trying to deal with mom. & then they get huffy that dad didn't call them personally. But, they seem to be trying to make an effort. They all were distant from their dad when he died, & still regret the lost years. Hopefully they'll keep that in mind & try to make things right before it happens again.

Summertime Blues

Yet again I've neglected posting anything. I guess it really doesn't matter, since no one reads this anyways. If you do, could you drop me a line & let me know? That way I feel important, that someone cares what I have to say.

Anyways, summer is pretty much over. It's been busy, moreso than usual. Camp, as usual, was amazing. Last year we challenged them to "each one bring one" & they took us up on it. We had 58 total, the largest jr high camp in recent history. Even with all the chaos, it was good. I hope, I pray, that at least one came to know God in a closer way. After camp, I had a week to finish preparations for VBS. Avalanche Ranch, a wild ride through God's word. And believe me, "wild" isn't the half of it. Not a lot of kids, but the few we had seemed to enjoy it. Then another week to recover before going on vacation. Mom always wanted to go back to Myrtle Beach, so dad took her, me, my niece and nephew. The condo was unbelievable, practically right on the beach so we had an amazing view. I definitely want to go back someday, preferably when it's not quite as hot. It was fun, but we weren't able to do a lot because of the heat.

Now, summer's over, life's settling back to normal, & of course that means that it's time for some new crisis. In some ways I was expecting it, so I wasn't quite as caught off-guard as I could have been. But still, I didn't expect it this fast. God, be with my family right now; this is going to take all the strength we've got to face this.

Thomas

I’ve been thinking about Thomas lately. Partly because he’s the disciple I relate so well to, partly because I was in charge of service this week & it was Thomas Sunday. The guy who gave the message did a great job. He usually does, but I actually remember some of what he said, which is unusual. You know how it is, you forget the sermon before Sunday lunch is over. But, between my affection for Tommy boy & being responsible for planning the service, some things stuck.

Here you have a guy who is, not really pessimistic (in my opinion anyway), but proof-driven for lack of a better term. He doesn’t accept everything at face value. Face it, none of the disciples did. They were all clueless & too stuck in this world to really understand the otherworldly that Jesus brought. Jesus tells them to feed the multitude. Instead of saying, “sure, we can do that”, they doubt. Where will they get the food? They don’t have enough money to buy that much food. How are they supposed to feed 5,000 people? Another time they’re in a boat & a huge storm comes up. They’re all terrified, & what’s Jesus doing? Sleeping! Where’s their faith there? Time & again the disciples don’t have enough faith in Jesus, yet Thomas is the one remembered as the doubter. I don’t see him as a doubter. Instead, I see him as the “prove it to me” type. He wants that proof, to see for himself that the resurrection is true. Belief on the unseen is one thing; but belief with unwavering proof, that’s what helped forge the Thomas who then utters the most powerful statement of faith in the Bible: “My Lord and my God!” None of the other disciples call Jesus that; only Thomas, the “doubter”. And because of that experience, he goes on to be a major force in expanding Christianity.

How many of us have a little bit of Thomas in us? Yes, I believe in God. Yes, I believe that Christ came, died and rose again. Yes I believe that his death was payment for the sins of everyone who was, is, and will come. But, I also want that proof. Miracles, signs and wonders, or just that feeling that God is with me, I want it. That’s what makes my belief stronger. And it’s that way with everyone. Think about it. If you never had a single experience that “proved” to you that God is real, would you believe in him? Really? No answered prayers, no miracles, no “burning in your soul”, nothing. Would you believe? Could you believe?

How far is too far?

A friend recently asked me for a favor. Initially, it wasn’t a huge thing (though it was a big deal in my opinion), but has quickly grown into a major favor. As I’m trying to get out from under this obligation, it’s caused me to wonder, just how far is too far in friendship?

I’ll be the first to admit that I take advantage of certain friends. Being single, sometimes I have no choice other than to ask for help. When I go out of town, I’ll ask one or the other to pick up my mail, check on my dog, water my plants, or any one of a number of small “chores”. Usually the person I ask says it’s not a problem, but we both know it is. Stopping by every day or two, especially when it’s out of their way, is a big deal. However, I try to keep my requests small, or to lessen the obligation on my friend. For example, I was out of town for a week last summer. Before I left, I asked the parents of my lawn boys if they could pick up my mail when they came to mail. That way, they’re already there doing something else & it’s not a special trip just to pick up my junk mail.

While I’ll freely admit that I do ask for help on a frequent basis, I try to ask different people each time, so I’m not always relying on the same person. Doing a favor every once in a while is one thing; doing it every week/month/couple of months, that’s entirely different. Also, everyone I ask also knows that I’d willingly help them should the need arise. When you have to ask for help, you become more conscious that it’s your responsibility to help others whenever possible.

All this brings me back to my original question: how far is too far? There’s a line between asking a favor and taking advantage. Depending on the friendship, that line can be in different spots. How, then, do know you’ve gone from “little favor” to “huge imposition”?

Monthly Checkup

It's 1 in the morning on Saturday--make that Sunday, insomnia's decided to be my friend again, & I have church in the morning. So what's a girl to do? It's been just over a month, so I figured I'd update this thing. Not like anyone really reads it, but it makes me feel important, like someone out there in the vast emptiness of cyberspace is eargerly awaiting whatever gems of logic I might type. Ok, get over yourself girl!

It's August, which means summer's pretty much over. All in all, it was a busy one, but then again most are busy. Camp was amazing, VBS was pretty good, from what I hear Spec & the other camps were the best ever. Yeah yeah, that's what we say every year. Through it all, however, I'm still feeling this sense of emptiness. It's been there before, but not nearly as bad as this. For a while I was seriously taking a sabattical from ministry. "Burnout" doesn't seem to adequately describe it. Maybe it's just a letdown of all the crap I had to deal with, maybe it's stress, maybe it's God telling me to get a new focus. Whatever it is, I started my "Dear John" letter to the pastor. I didn't want out completely, just for a while. Long enough to get my head back on straight. Whatever it was, most of it's gone now. Hopefully these last vestiges will disappear soon; I hate feeling like this.

On the love life front, it's still frustratingly empty. The guy is still calling me, which I try to take as a hopeful sign, but the lack of face-to-face worries me. I don't know, maybe I should write him off as anything more than a phone buddy. If he were interested, wouldn't he make more of an effort to see me? Or at least be as frustrated as I am? But on the other hand, I do like him. He's smart, funny, we talk for hours...sometimes I'm afraid that's the problem. We've talked so much that we've moved past that ambiguous "potential" stage right into buddy stage. Ugh, I hate dating. Why can't we just go back to arranged marriages? It'd make my live much easier.

All right, time to try & get to sleep. Morning is gonna come way too early if I don't. Where's those counting sheep when you really need them?